hold on

I suppose it's simply another chapter coming to a close.

Just finished up working on a project that took 2 months of proposal work, 2 weeks of planning, and 4 days of staying awake to complete it; total lack of sleep. In finishing it I figured I made enough money for bills for the next 1/2 year; like I was saying earlier spent a little bit and got my bike fixed back to it's track readiness.

Took it apart and worked on it, no shirt on to catch some rays since it's been so nice out, neighbors coming out, getting sun again while drinking a few beers.

Same exact thing as last year. The same exact crunches happening. Work so friggin hard for a few months, and spend the rest of the year recovering and relaxing, enjoying. What made me wander around, looking to just have fun, looking to find someone to have fun with me.

SXSW is coming now. My sister might fly in, might not. I know some other friends are both flying and driving in from all corners of Texas and the country. Last year I had an awesomely interesting time, I mean hell they shut down the whole city for it, inlcuding the colleges. Armbands cost over a grand for the walk-ins now, but I got mine early from a friend as did most for less than a 1/4 of the price.

Went to a few places that I never knew existed and saw famous people play steel guitars and harmonicas at bars where you don't buy shots, you buy whole bottles and be damned the price of patrone; except my friend from last year is now pregnant and can't really go.

But it does seem that every year the people change, the locations change, allot of things change... but life still constantly repeats. Watching Orion start to set, the same damn things happen time and time again.

Well that and the accumulation of more crap to haul around.

So I've been exhausting myself on the bike (wore down a back tire in 1000 miles already) and listening to the vibrations on the spiderweb.

Also exhausting myself physically. Sometimes you just need to push yourself to the wall both ways mentally and physically before you collapse and look at things, as your snoring cat peeks and demands what the hell you are doing... constantly interrupting his sleep... forcing him to find a place he won't be disturbed.

It's what I've always done when I need.

I haven't taken anything to help me sleep or anything else, haven't really required it. Staying up and only getting 2-3 hours a sleep a night, cutting loose is helpful. It's not summer, but it's good to work up a sweat no matter the method.

More helpful than what most think, well, when you need to think. For me, I sometimes need to have the body spent in order for the mind to honestly think. Once the body is satiated, be it food, flurries of activity, whatever as long as it isn't addictive...

The mind can just sit and work, in reflection, while its temple rests.

But there's two schools of thought in this world. First you can go as far as you can, always trying to transcend, going higher and farther away to get the "big picture". Then there's those that lose themselves in the microscopic, trying to dive deeper... rather than the macroscopic who flee the normal bounds.

I tend to just wade in the middle ground somewhere, I suppose.

Kinda tired of thinking. It seems it's all I did when left alone sitting on my hands.

Something I can't do, I need to do things. Can't be alone, yea it's a fault of mine. I think it's a fault of everyone, humans aren't solitary creatures by nature. I know others can speak of this.

But there's still loops in life I think we all get caught in from birth. Additionally I can speak from full, absolute certain authority that what goes around comes around. At least one person would get a kick out of my heartbreak.

As me and Xochitl (another coincidence) were going through baby pictures and just talking; I figured allot of things out. Watching things click in place when you and another speaks. Not always cycles and repeating like a stuck record, but more like day and night, seasons.

Things change, but certain things always stay the same; you can't change the environment you choose to live in, however you can always change what you chose. Well some can. Some won't and get stuck in the mud and dirt, but that's where they chose to rut.

Not too sure what will happen in the future.

Still wear a wristband I made, have a few strands of her hair on it bound by silver and turquoise; some ask and I just don't even bother saying what it is except it's sentimental.

Always thought she'd be able to feel what I was feeling, somehow bring her closer on some mystic level... never used any of it to cast a spell. (Hey, I have a wiccan mom and pagan sister, don't laugh)

Foreshadowing sucks. I think it was the first album I gave her.

Ah, well.

Figured it's now Que Sera, Sera.